


Girl Crush

by HikariHM



Series: Ale’s Originshipping week 2021 entries [3]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire | Pokemon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Versions
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Originshipping week 2021, Secrets, Self-Worth Issues, Suffering in silence, Unrequited Love, hard jealousy, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28999020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariHM/pseuds/HikariHM
Summary: Steven hated to admit it, but he had such a girl crush on Winona: he wanted her so bad, he wanted everything she was, everything she had.(Originshipping week day 3:Prompts: angst/insecurity)
Relationships: Mikuri | Wallace & Tsuwabuki Daigo | Steven Stone, Mikuri | Wallace/Tsuwabuki Daigo | Steven Stone
Series: Ale’s Originshipping week 2021 entries [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123754
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10





	Girl Crush

Everything was fine.

So quiet, so still.

Inside him everything was… fine.

And this evening seemed promising, or at least- not too terrible.

No. It didn’t have to go awfully bad. He had already made up his mind. He was going to be okay.

And so, he was here, in Phoebe’s summer cottage back in Lilycove, and not in some random cave where at least his mind could zone out and remain in peace, no.

She had decided to make a small gathering there and invite some friends over. And so, there was Steven: eating chips with Sidney, chitchatting with Flannery and his cousin Roxanne, absentmindedly listening to Brawly and…

Talking with Wallace.

Laughing a bit too loud at his wicked, dirty jokes.

Listening to a random story of his.

Smiling.

And everything was alright; in his chest he only felt easiness, he felt lighthearted, collected, glad to be here, glad that he decided to come, to indulge himself some social contact.

That, until…

Someone knocked on the door, and soon enough, within range, were those lilac locks Steven could recognize anywhere.

At that moment, his world stopped, his heart thudding violently on his chest, getting stuck, his stomach dropping, getting hit by a ugly wave of dizziness, blurring his gaze.

Whenever she was around, it was impossible for Steven to focus on anything else; whatever conversation he was holding with Wallace now he kept it hanging, since his pupils, eagerly, hungrily, would now follow every step Winona walked inside the place.

He couldn’t stop looking at her, getting so drunk in the sight of her graceful body moving, of her long hair swinging back and forth with every step she took, no. When she showed up, Winona was everything Steven could see, all Steven’s heart would beat for.

Soon enough, lilac and steel blue gazes met, and Steven felt like arresting, like a pressure cooker about to explode when those rosy lips curved up, smiling such adorable, sweet, toothy grin of hers, a grin that made his every extremity tremble. And, when she started to approach him, he felt like he could faint, like he wanted to disappear, totally disarmed, totally-

“Wallace!”

“Oh, Nona!”

Steven stepped back almost robotically to see: see how she jumped straight into his best friend’s arms, how he wrapped her tiny waist in exchange, how both laughed, and then, kissed.

“I missed you so much, baby…”

“Oh, I don’t believe you,” she pouted, teasingly, feeling amazing, it was obvious.

And Wallace began to peck her face, very affectionately, “of course I did, sweetheart.”

Of course, her entire world disappeared around Wallace, and like that, Steven was pushed to the background as if he didn’t matter at all, as if he was an alien to this scene, to their lives.

“Oh, hi, Steven!” Suddenly, she seemed to remember he existed and so casually saluted him, and to have his name rolling out of her tongue, made him shiver.

He was supposed to say something nice, something smart, something to impress, something, but he ended up stuttering.

“H-Hi, Winona.”

“It’s so good to see you,” she exclaimed, tilting her head oh so endearingly.

Trying to not get too distracted, Steven forced a reply, “y-yeah. I was going to… go into a cave, but… decided to come over.”

Wallace laughed, while she just chuckled delicately, “I’m glad you took the time to come over, then! We miss you so much when you aren’t here.”

And so damn extra, because extra was all that man knew to be, Wallace gasped, “dear lord, how comes? Are you happier about seeing him than about seeing me? I’ll have to get jealous here.”

She stared up at her boyfriend, smiling playfully, “why, if anyone has to get jealous here, that’s me! Sometimes you two act so suspicious around each other.”

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he replied, smoothly, “while our fellow here is pretty good looking, you know I only have eyes for you, Nona. And Steven would pick a bag full of rocks over me any time.”

And when they laughed and then shared such idiotic, obnoxious kiss, Steven felt how his blood started boiling, his jaw tensing, his chest squeezing in distress.

Wallace was so obnoxious. Such an idiot. Ridiculous. Pathetic. 

And before he could spat such words at his face out of spite, Steven said, “okay, I’ll go help Phoebe.”

And his perfectly built collectedness started to shatter.

But Steven was trying by all means to keep it together, like a broken jar poorly fixed needing to cool down for the glue to keep the little shards into place.

So, he tried to busy himself: helping Phoebe with the glasses, going to the shop with Sidney for more beer, bringing chips for Flannery and Roxanne, making pictures of Phoebe’s other friends… and it almost worked.

If he didn’t look, it hurt less.

So, he wouldn’t look at her. He wouldn’t look at the precious woman that took each of his breaths away.

However, all this acting like a host left him exhausted, and by the time everyone started to dance, Steven decided to just sit on the couch, can of soda in hand, and relax, trying so hard to get back to the mindfulness he had rehearsed so much lately.

Phoebe played music of all sorts, most of the pieces being pretty upbeat and funky, making this a bit more bearable: at least he wouldn’t have to suffer with awful music in the background.

Or this he thought until, such a beautiful song came up, slow, romantic. 

And Wallace and Winona got in the middle of the made up dance floor, and she wrapped her arms around Wallace’s neck as he placed his hands at each of the sides of her waist, and they began to sway.

And Steven watched them looking at each other silently, teal and lilac eyes exchanging adoring glances, matching blissful smiles.

And the knot in his stomach squeezed tighter when he noticed how her lips verbalized an “I love you.”

An ‘I love you’ that the stoic Winona would only say to Wallace and Wallace alone.

And it gave him a horrible amount of nausea when he had to witness how Wallace’s eyes got soft with happiness and tenderness right afterward, his lips trembling and then curving up in a grimace never seen before, his cheeks getting very red, to end this in a very, very broad smile.

And then again, their smiles kissed each other, while they swayed and the music seemed to be playing at this slow beat just for the both of them to dance to it. 

And as much as this wrecked his heart and drove him insane, Steven couldn’t stop watching, no, the more this kept going on, the more they kissed, the more he urged to keep watching. 

And when Wallace hugged her tenderly, and she rested her rosy cheek over his chest, a pleased smile lingering on her face, Steven felt it with full force.

Oh, Steven hated to admit it, but he had such a girl crush on Winona: he wanted her so bad, he wanted everything she was, everything she had.

He wanted the smile she was giving now to Wallace, he wanted her magic touch, he wanted her long, soft, lilac hair, he wanted the taste of her lips, he wanted her delicate waist, her graceful frame, her laughter, he wanted so desperately to drown himself in a bottle of her perfume.

Because…

Maybe that way Wallace would want him just as much.

Maybe… if he had the soft, long, lilac hair, the soft shape, those lovely lilac eyes, the sweet voice… Wallace would also hold him like that, kiss him like that, make him his entire world.

But Wallace, as he said, just had eyes for her and her alone.

And how would he not? She was gorgeous beyond words, while Steven was just… the rock nerd joke everyone had ever known.

He kept watching, how Wallace grabbed the perfect woman by her chin and planted such tender kiss to her lips, and, right at that moment, Steven just thought:

How could he even dream of Wallace kissing him like that? Why would Wallace ever stop for a second, look at him and feel the irreparable urge to kiss him? Why would he even bother with someone as lame as him?

The more Wallace kissed Winona, the more unworthy he felt: no matter how big his name was, how many achievements he had made in this lifetime, nothing would ever be enough to compete against Winona, who had won just by existing. 

He would never be enough. He had never been enough and that was why Wallace never ever even considered him as more than a friend to just joke around with. He wasn’t even half as pretty. He was too flat. Too stupid. Too simple and childish. He’d have to die and be born again to get any close to Wallace’s standards, and-

Ugh...

He wished he was Winona.

How he wished to be Winona, to always hug Wallace, kiss him, lay by his side, listen to him all day and all night, go to sleep and kiss him goodnight, and wake up in his strong, loving arms, to his loving caresses, to his hoarse morning voice.

But he was doomed to sit and watch like an outsider of a story that should have been his, to pretend Wallace’s jokes didn‘t cut to the bone, to fake collectedness and act as if he hadn’t been losing many nights of sleep over this, and-

His can clicked.

His hands were shaking.

His blood boiling.

He was about to snap, the anger running through each of his veins, surrendering him tense.

Oh, he had to get away.

He had to get away before he rose up from his seat, made Wallace and Winona pull apart by pushing them aggressively, told them how much he hated them, and decided to just kiss Wallace and scream to Winona that he had loved him the longest, that Wallace was his and his alone.

His legs worked faster than his mind did and drove him outside the cottage before his darkest fantasies turned to real things he would by all means regret later, and he was breathing hard, blinking fast, trying to shake this feeling off him, getting so overwhelmed by how the jealousy was possessing him like a demon.

He couldn’t take this anymore.

He was losing control.

He was out of his head.

The pain beating on him like a drum, his heart too afflicted to let him think properly.

His head tormenting him with cruel words and intrusive ideas on how to have his revenge.

And…

Fuck.

Why couldn’t he have Wallace?

Why did he always get his timing wrong?

Why did he always have to be the unlucky one?

Why did he have to meet a man that was everything he wanted and more and not be able to embrace him for all he was?

Why was Winona, the incarnation of everything he had to live without, all he could see in his dreams?

Why couldn’t he stop this mixture of ugly and good feelings Winona gave to him in his stomach?

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her?

Why couldn’t he rule himself? Why couldn’t he just stop this senseless jealousy?

Why, why, why, why-

He feel something terrible coming.

He was scared of coming back, if he did it, he would break down and leave everything in ruins, that fucking relationship of Wallace too if necessary, and-

No.

He couldn’t do this.

He had to calm down.

Breathe.

Stop plotting ways to storm the scene.

Calm down.

Not cry.

Calm-

“Steven?”

As much as Steven wanted to be the fuck alone at this one moment, Sidney being there wouldn’t push him to go back inside, no, nowhere else would he be safe from Winona kissing the man of his dreams, saying all the things he ached to tell himself, moving Wallace to what almost were tears.

If he got back inside everyone would unfriend him in the blink of an eye after all he would do.

So, he only nodded, intending to keep this talk short.   
“Are you sure?” Sidney insisted. “You literally just flee the place, and you are looking all unnerved now.”   
“I’m fine. I just- just g-got the urge to take some fresh air. That’s it.”   
Words didn’t match at all the tone Steven used, so desperate, a bit animalistic, even. It didn’t sound convincing at all.   
“Come on now, there’s something pissing you, just look at yourself. It feels wrong not reaching out for you when you are this out of yourself.”   
If Sidney kept pushing him to talk, Steven couldn’t be sure about what kind of words would come out of his mouth.

He only knew that they would all come out furious, angry, rude.   
“It’s nothing, I said, can’t you listen?”   
“Steven,” he pronounced his name in what Steven felt as such a condescending way. “You were shaking back there, staring blankly at Wallace, with this vein jumping on your forehead and all.”   
Did he…

Did he notice anything?

Was there any use in pretending anymore?

Should he talk…?

No.   
“I-I wasn’t...”   
“Does he know...?” Sidney dared to throw his assumption, as he accepted that his friend wouldn’t be giving away any information. “Does he know that you’re rotting with jealousy?”

No, no, nobody could know this. 

But instead of showing stoicism to this statement to prove how foolish and out of place it had been, he replied very rashly, with indignation.   
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”   
Sidney puffed. “Please. You are dying for  _ her _ .” He finally stated. “Is he the kind of friend that would date a woman even if his best friend wants her as well... or it is that he’s not aware of your feelings?”

People assuming he had a crush on Winona was all the way better than people noticing he was hopelessly in love with Wallace and suffering at his dejection, but still, it made him mad, so very mad, how nobody could even fathom the great distress he was enduring on his very own, and would make such ignorant assumptions.   
“You’re talking shit.”   
“You are jealous.”   
“I’m not jealous!” Steven replied, raising aggressively his tone, giving a scornful glare so unlike him. “You have no idea. So, stop trying to lecture me and- Fuck off.”

This behavior was surely taking Sidney by surprise, and as such, he tried to reason with him.   
“Steven, listen, I’m not judging you, in fact, I think it is normal that-”   
“They could do whatever thing in front of me and I wouldn’t give a shit. I’m not jealous, like- I’m happy for them! I’m happy that Wallace finally found a partner that can put up with his odious ass for longer than a year, and-”   
The lump on his throat got on the way; if Steven decided to keep talking, it was a fact, his voice would break into a sob.   
And as if Sidney confronting him on this matter he couldn’t put up with anymore wasn’t enough of a torture already, Wallace also got outside, seemingly looking for them.

The three of them acknowledged each other’s presences, and remained silent until Sidney sighed.

“I’ll go back inside.”

Sidney was one of his best friends but… how bad he wanted to punch him right now, for trying to figure out what was wrong with him and play a therapist, yes, but most of all, for leaving him alone with Wallace. 

“Steven?”

He couldn’t stop blinking at this point, so very quickly, forcing the tears to remain inside.

“Are you alright?”

No. He was dying of shame. Feeling so insignificant. Hating himself because he could barely work words out his mouth now, so, he just nodded, whispering, “yeah, yeah.”

However, it had never been Wallace’s style to let things slip so easily, “you sure? It looked like you and Sidney were getting heated here.”

As he really didn’t want to talk and risk bawling, he kept his reply short, “you know us… sometimes we argue like that.”

And for a second, his friend dedicated him one of those sympathetic grimaces of his, stirring his feelings so horribly much, “I’m worried about you, Steven. Like, you’ve been so tense all this evening, and if something’s happening that makes you feel like picking arguments and snapping at your friends, well, we can try to find a solution together.”

He didn’t want to find solutions together.

He wanted to share a life together.

“I just…” he sighed. “Had a row with my Dad.”

He hated lying, but…

As much as he despised this situation and he stayed up at nights daydreaming with ways to fuck it up, Steven didn’t have the heart to break Wallace’s happiness in this way, to turn his perfect blue sky into rain, to actually break down and leave all of this in ruins, ejecting himself forever out of Wallace’s portray by purposefully doing wrong to him.

No, if for Wallace, being happy was being with Winona… Steven was happy for him, then.

God knew he had tried to feel happy for him. To make up his mind. To wish him the best in this relationship that had lasted and was good for him.

“Oh… I see.”

“Yes...”

“Want to talk about it?”

He wanted to disappear.

“Not really.”

“Oh, well…” and Wallace sighed. “Could I give you a hug then, at least? You seem like you need one.”

And like a little kid, defeated, he nodded.

And he got so feverish when Wallace, with all of his sea salt scent and amazing height approached him, and so, embraced him oh so lovely in this perfectly  _ platonic _ way that put him down, so, so down.

Helplessly, he fell into his touch, reciprocating his touch a lot more passionately, and then, he rested his cheek against his chest, squeezed his arms around him, and realized his clothes smelled like Winona’s perfume too.

And he breathed hard, feeling a tear peep through the corner of his left eye, trying so hard to keep it there, to not shed it.

“If you ever need to talk, you know I’m always here to listen, Stevie. You are my best friend and I always want to see you fine, happy and healthy.”

He nodded, bitterly, finding this comment ironic.

If he wanted to see him happy, he’d leave Winona.

Steven knew this was such a selfish and terrible thing to think, but he would never be happy this way, he couldn’t just wrap his head around the idea that Wallace picked Winona over him, even if he had been there before her.

“You can always talk to me,” he kept going with his speech, tracing soothing circles over his back. “You know it very well.”

Steven limited himself to nod, and then, then…

Wallace sighed, squeezing him tighter, and whispered to his ear.

“I love you.”

And these words made him so miserable… they were all Steven needed to listen but, fuck… not in this way. Not like this.

It was hard to admit it, so hard, Steven hated to say it, and anyways, he gambled his last thread of voice to express this, “I love you too, Wallace, you have  _ no idea _ …”

Indeed, Wallace had no idea, because he tightened his grip on him even more, yes, but then, chuckled, “we are acting all suspicious now, just like Winona said.”

Steven pretended to laugh, to find this funny, yet, this was the moment when a tear ran down his cheek.

And then, more and more followed, unstoppable. Because he was unable to confess that the one who would be dying of jealousy later would be him, not Winona.

The only way to get the smallest bit of these ugly feelings off his chest was holding on tighter to Wallace, who just thought the fake fight with his Dad had been so rough to have him in such a state.

Steven didn’t want to let go of Wallace, not only because he urged to have him near and was restless without him around, no; but also because, if they pulled away now, Wallace would notice his tears, and would see through them and realize there was something heavier going on, and Steven wouldn’t have a way to explain this that wasn’t through screaming and burning everything that was good between them to ashes.

He could almost imagine it, imagine himself pulling apart, using this chance to confess Wallace what was truly going on out of impulse, and have his friend, the man he loved, staring at him condescendingly to then say, “sorry, believe me, I love you, but not in that way.”

As he had no other explanation for these tears, and he really didn’t want his friendship with Wallace to get such awful ending so abruptly, because having just a little bit of his heart was better than not having anything at all, he just cried silently, praying that these tears would dry by the time Winona decided to come over and check up on them. 

So he could fake a smile and they wouldn’t see he was actually falling apart, to keep pretending that, if happy was Winona, he was happy for Wallace.

**Author's Note:**

> HII! I gotta say that this idea has been in my drafts for the longest time ever. This was one of my first origin fics, written back in 2019. As I edited it, I changed a bit some concepts and if it was originally based only off “Girl Crush” (the cover from Harry Styles I must add), now it became a blend of Heather, Stone Cold, Not in that way, Teardrops on my guitar, and as many other sad lyric references you could notice!
> 
> Now. I hope y’all liked this as I’ve wanted to post it for two years now 😭 and thank you a lot for reading!!


End file.
